They call it anorexia, my wish to be completely perfect.

Dear Diary
Today was a long day in school and I haven't really eaten anything yet today
But I guess that's good
I just wanted to write something real quick before I go off to bed

So here it goes
Dear diary

I'm fourteen and I always feel so nervous
Tell me why is it that everyone is so perfect
While I feel so worthless, and they look so happy
While lately for me, my mood has been crappy

And I have come to believe all the things that I'm seeing
On magazines and TV, of every single perfect being
All the girls with perfect bodies, and such amazing skin
Oh how I would kill to live the life that they are in

I've been trying to lose weight over that past couple of weeks
Throwing up after meals, on the rare times that I eat
But that isn't enough, I still need to do much more
To get this guy to notice me, people wonder what for

There's so much room in my tummy that it isn't funny
I don't wanna be people's dummy, but either way I feel dumpy
Most of the time I am left here, thinking to myself
Oh god is this worth it, or do I need some help
Like

Chorus:
I've been used by guys, I've been hurt by girls
I've been hit by my mom, and cursed by the world
So I keep losing weight, just trying to be perfect
I'm waiting for somebody to tell me that I'm worth it

You're not alone(repeat 16x)
-
I'm twenty-three and just ran across my old diary
I opened it up but i really don't know what inspired me
To do this, but I was instantly in tears
To think of how lost I was during those young years

And that guy that I mentioned back when I was fourteen
He's my fiancé now; I guess that I'm living a dream
We got a small house, a nice car and a good life
But my arms are still scarred from using my own knife

But he accepts me how I am, and he knows about my past
And after all that, he still says that we're gonna last
And I love him, I love him, I love him with all my heart
I honestly couldn't take it if we ever got pulled apart

If I could say one thing to me at age fourteen
It would be that you'll find a guy who will treat you like a queen
It gets better than it is, don't worry about your size
And never think you're alone, someone out there hears your cries
Saying

Chorus:
I've been used by guys, I've been hurt by girls
I've been hit by my mom, and cursed by the world
So I keep losing weight, just trying to be perfect
I'm waiting for somebody to tell me that I'm worth it

You're not alone(repeat 16x)

Dear Diary... This will be one of the last entries I will make for a while I think. I decided that, it's time things change, and time I can be happy. So I am going to start new. Thank you for always being there for me. Thank you for helping me. Thank you for listening.

This road to recovery's honestly been a bitch.
It took all of my will to finally make the switch.
I'm 20 years of age, but my weight says I'm ten.
And I feel like in my life I have not one friend.
I've been hurt too much, and my trust is all gone.
It's gotten to the point where I'm as frail as a fawn.
All these guys are using me, saying my beauty's true you see.
But then they all abuse me, and none of it is news to me.
They call it anorexia, my wish to be completely perfect.
I remember telling them that all I want to be is worth it.
My mom was worried when I didn't have the strength to stand
Calorie counting seems to be my only helping hand.
Life has me wondering why the hell am I even here?
What ever happened to the people I once held near?
I'm sick of everyone always telling me what to do.
All I want is something that I can relate to.

I've been used by guys, I've been hurt by girls.
I've been hit by my mum, and cursed by the world.
So I keep losing weight, just trying to be perfect.
I'm waiting for somebody to tell me that I'm worth it. (X2)

Does my story end here? Thats all that I wanna know.
I never thought that I'd end up feeling fully alone.
In my room, no ones there, I cry myself to sleep.
I wish that I could love, and live and just leave.
Breathe, I made it through another long day.
Finding fear in the words that I didn't ever say.
How can I match up to what the world says is beautiful?
I look into the mirror and the me I see is unsuitable.
Tell me I'm beautiful, that's all I really wanna hear.
Hold me close, and make all of the pain disappear.
It's unhealthy, I know I should treat myself better.
I want someone to understand me down to the letter.
But mark my words, I'll be stronger then I ever was.
I'll be happy with myself, and honestly I never was.
I need to move on, past this diary I've always kept.
And all the pages that hold all the tears that I wept.

I've been used by guys, I've been hurt by girls.
I've been hit by my mum, and cursed by the world.
So I keep losing weight, just trying to be perfect.
I'm waiting for somebody to tell me that I'm worth it. (X2)

One more pund, I know I can win

Mary-Kate
Kate Moss
Mary-Kate
Kate Moss
Diet pills
Lip gloss
Star Jones
Trim Spa

You can see my bones
"Look Ma!"
Gym club
Big hug
Fat thighs
Coffee mug

Sunken face
Big disgrace
Tummy tuck
What the fuck

Calories
Diaries
Underground societies
Hollywood refusing to eat
Can't stand up on your own two feet

Paper thin socialite
What should I skip tonight?
Oh my god, I'm fucking scene
Gastro bypass for me

Anorexia isn't the way to happiness
Anorexia isn't the way to go
Anorexia will cut your life much shorter
Anorexia is a mental disorder

Hip bones
Rib cage
Rehab
Teenage
Fasting
Stop trying
Not eating
Then dying
 
You're selfish
You're homeless
You're hungry
And hopeless

Stupid
Tired
Caffiene
Wired

Web cam journal
Web site circle
Forum secrets
Can you keep it?

Their
Therapy
Cut to bleed
Can't you see
What you did to me

Hair tin
Pathogen
Blamed it on
Fakebestfriend

Society made you fat
Girl, what's the deal with that

Anorexia isn't the way to happiness
Anorexia isn't the way to go
Anorexia will cut your life much shorter
Anorexia is a mental disorder

Gaining power
Every hour
One more pound
I know I can win
Losing battles
Boney rattles
Heart beats skipping
Tears are dripping
Does this hairspray make me look fat?

Mary-Kate
Kate Moss
Diet pills
Lip gloss

I'm fuckin' tired of getting sick about it

Once upon a time
I used to romanticize
Used to be somebody, never mind
Don't miss it that much now
I think it's sinking in
Days that I wonder where I've been
In picture perfect porcelain
But I won't lose a pound

You say I would make a better liar
And never face the music when it's dire
And I breathe disaster, ever after
Don't pull away from me now

Don't you move
Can't you stay where you are, just for now
I could be your perfect disaster
You could be my ever after
You could be my ever after, after all
I could be your perfect disaster
You could be my ever after

Apologies, I'm not myself but I can guarantee
That when I get back, you won't believe
That you knew me well
Don't want to think about it
I'm fuckin' tired of getting sick about it
Now stand back up and be a man about it
And fight for something, fight for something, fight for something, oh

I would make a better liar
And never face the music when it's dire
And I breathe disaster, ever after
Don't pull away from me now

Don't you move
Can't you stay where you are, just for now
I could be your perfect disaster
You could my ever after
Now you could be my ever after, after all
I could be your perfect disaster
You could be my ever after

Nobody told ya this is gonna fold ya
We go marching in like toy soldiers
To have and hold ya over sold ya
They???re marching like toy soldiers

Somehow don't you dare fail, fail me now, ever after
Somehow don't you dare fail, fail me now, ever after
Somehow

(Face the music when it's dire)

Once upon a time
This place was beautiful and mine
But now it's just a bottom line
Barely comes to mind
But ever after was mine

I'll be your disaster, ever after
So fire away
Goodbye